Unprecedented.

There is so much to say.  So many thoughts, opinions, worries, and feelings.

Regrets.

If only I had stayed home. If only I had just listened to that voice that was yelling at me “why didn’t they cancel???” and take it the next step, regardless of what inconvenience it might have caused.

If only I had asked to work from home once the virus hit my county — even though our office only has four people.

But even then — the only thing that would have changed any of my current situation is not going to that event. That one decision. One woman at that small event, less than 10 people, now has Corona Virus symptoms.  They will not test, because the test would not change the treatment – but told her to presume she had it, and to self medicate and isolate.

Things we don’t know.

  1. Is it actually Covid-19?
  2. When was she exposed, if she was? Before 3/13? or After.
  3. Are WE at risk? Because of both question 1 and question 2.

So we act like we are at risk — and live as though that one decision potentially put my entire church family at risk because even though WE didn’t go to church since 3/11 — the dear friend we have seen every day and has been watching our youngest, HAS been going.

Oh how helpless.

So here I am, on Day 12 post “possible” exposure, Day 3 of work from home because:

1. I didn’t learn about the potential exposure until Friday night.
2. Davidson County in Nashville put in a Stay at Home order for non-essential businesses.

My family is safe, and we are just waiting it out.  Things are a little bit concerning because although places are hiring, and my husband was even offered a job — he had to turn it down because of our self-imposed quarantine. No one is telling us to self-isolate — but we could not live with ourselves if our inaction, and not taking this seriously when there was a KNOWN threat, led to people getting sick or dying.

As you can imagine, UBER is non existent, and also not safe. My husband has been without income since 3/11. We are okay for the moment — but my next doesn’t quite cover rent, and we will still need groceries. We pray that jobs are still available when we pass the quarantine limit.

But even with all of the uncertainty, faith is keeping me together. I am grateful for social media groups that are using technology to fill the gap that our sudden forced free time in the evenings has created. I have had the blessing and opportunity to create Worship Videos for our church live-stream services. We have played games over Zoom with my parents and sister.

So even with the unknowns… there is still beauty. There is still hope. And there is always faith.

 

 

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